Hijab for a day!
Delhi NCR is facing cold waves these days. People have loaded their bodies with warm jackets, socks, caps, etc. I use specs, so using a cap is not very comfortable. So, I prefer to use a stole (a long scarf) around my neck and head to keep myself warm. I do it every year in the winter, but this time it was so perfect that it looked like a hijab. The hijab is a way of wearing a head scarf and is mostly preferred by women practicing Islam.
I am born into a Hindu family and rarely had exposure to family or friends from other religions.
I went to this café-cum-bakery store in a posh urban area. The café seemed to be new, and a woman in her 40s seemed to be its owner or manager. I entered the café with two kids and that scarf around my head and neck. The owner’s stare at my scarf and the visual full-body scan of me reminded me that I was being perceived as a Muslim woman, about which I had forgotten. She kept an eye on me, and I kept becoming uncomfortable. It felt like I was being monitored for every move. The kids were obdurate about their demands, and so was I to not comply with them. I think that 10 minutes of stay was uncomfortable for all three of us — the kids, the owner, and the observer.
My friends tell me that I am an overthinker. I over-thought about this as well and tried to tell myself that maybe it was about me being loaded with a lot of clothes, or she just looks at everyone like that. But that stare felt different. It was not about clothes, or a new customer, or a morning customer, but it was about that scarf that made that stare longer than it usually is when it is about the other topics. This belief that it was about the scarf got validated when, without me sharing about this event, my sister told me that people were staring at me and my scarf in the lift (by the way, that lift is in decent apartments in an urban area).
That woman in the café didn’t say a word to me, nor did she stop me from sitting there or buying anything, but her moving eyes with everything that I touched made me conscious and uncomfortable.
This incident reminded me of a childhood event. In grade 4/5, there was a girl, Jaaidah, in our classroom. She was a differently-abled Muslim girl. One of her legs was shorter and twisted, but she could walk and run with a little less ease. She hardly had any friends in the classroom. I liked playing during the lunch break, and no other girl seemed to like running or playing. Jaaidah didn’t mind doing that. So, we became friends — the ones who sometimes sit together in the classroom and play almost every day during lunch time. One day, a girl (let’s call her Sally) called Jaaidah a Muslim. There is nothing wrong with calling a Muslim Muslim, but it felt very bad the way she said it. I was not aware at that time, but now I can tell that it was hate and disgust in her tone. Having felt bad about it, I called Sally moti (fat). Sally complained against me to the class teacher, and the teacher punished me for that.
From this story, do we need more people like me, Jaaidah, or Sally?
1. Sally: We definitely don’t need behavior like Sally’s since she was neither aware nor had an independent thought process. What she heard about Muslims is probably what she manifested in her behavior.
2. People like me: A big no! I called out what was wrong, but instead of doing that right, I did more wrong:
(i) I body shamed Sally.
(ii) I didn’t make her aware that it is wrong to hate people of other religions.
(iii) I was not aware of my own emotions. My sadness and empathy for Jaaida took the form of anger towards Sally.
3. People like Jaaidah: No! In the whole incident, Jaaidah didn’t do anything apart from show admiration for what I did. She didn’t stand up for herself. She didn’t tell Sally that it was wrong or complain to the teacher about Sally’s conduct. She chose only to become a victim.
Sometimes there will be people who take a stand for you, and sometimes there won’t be any, but if you know that something wrong has been done to you, it becomes your responsibility to stand up for yourself. (Obviously, you should know which battles are worth fighting for.)
After a few months, Jaaidah left our school.
How did Jaaidah feel at that time? It was a classroom where she got hate; how much hate does she get otherwise? Do people stop her from going to public places? Does she have any other religious friends? If she is struggling through these things, is she aware that she can get professional help? Did she study after 5th grade, or did she give up because of her economic status and this kind of hate? I don’t know where she is. She left our school after a few months. I don’t even know her last name. I can only hope that she is doing fine, is independent, and is fair to people around me.
I am an adult, and only a few hours of experience made me quite uncomfortable. How does a child who has constantly faced such things process feelings?
Well, when I was wearing a scarf, I didn’t have any intention to look like a Muslim girl or have such an experience. But it’s good that it happened. A few things that I learned from this experience are:
- It is good to sometimes change your attire and feel how others feel. Since I have been a woman all of my life, I know how it feels to be a woman, especially in the metro, roadways, or public places. It would be a different experience for men to have some of those experiences.
- The same world is different for everyone.
3. You must be aware of your rights. That woman at the café didn’t stop me, but in case anyone does, you should be aware of your rights. You should know that the Indian Constitution gives the following fundamental rights to the citizens of India:
Article 15(2):
No citizen shall, on grounds only of religion, race, caste, sex, place of birth, or any of them, be subject to any disability, liability, restriction, or condition with regard to
a. access to shops, public restaurants, hotels, and places of public entertainment; or
b. the use of wells, tanks, bathing ghats, roads, and places of public resort maintained wholly or partly out of state funds or dedicated to the use of the general public
Article 17:
“Untouchability” is abolished, and its practice in any form is forbidden. The enforcement of any disability arising out of “untouchability” shall be an offense punishable in accordance with the law.
Article 19(1)(a):
Right to freedom of speech and expression. The right to wear religious attire, such as a turban for Sikhs and a hijab for Muslims, comes under this article.
Article 25:
It guarantees the freedom of conscience and the freedom to profess, practice, and propagate religion to all citizens.
Over the years, what I have realised is that if you fall into a community that is discriminated against, apart from having love, empathy, and faith, having knowledge and the courage to use that knowledge is one of the most powerful ways to bring about change.
